W.A.L.T. Use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning and Use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses) Year 7/8 standard.
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal.
Geoff's camping trip
One day Geoff went camping in the bush with his workmates from Google. Geoff has a family, he has a wife called Paige and his wonderful kid called Jeff. Geoff loves camping especially in the bush, he doesn't like camping at a camping ground because other people are too noisy.
It was Geoff 10th year working at Google so his workmates took him for a trip in the bush camping for a week. But from there that's when it all went wrong. It took 5 hours by car to get to the walking track in the bush. The track takes them 1 whole week to walk.
All of Geoff’s workmates and him have a big travel bag with them. They all have lots of food,water and a tent. Overnight they put their tent up and sleep. When they get up in the morning they light a fire and have breakfast. It was Geoff's turn to to get the firewood.
Geoff went to get firewood on the 4th morning of their trip. It was raining the overnight so the track was wet and slippery. Geoff had to be very careful because if he slipped he would fall down the side of the track and it was a long way down to the bottom. Geoff finally found some firewood, the wood was wet and slimy, when Geoff bend down to get the wood he slipped.
Geoff was falling he was so scared he didn't know if he was going to live or not, he hit the bottom of the cliff. Geoff started yelling to his workmates they couldn't hear him. Geoff workmates started to get worried so they went looking for him, they looked for hours for him and then they finally found him.
Geoff's workmates got out there phones and called emergency services it them 3 hours to get there. Geoff is rescued after 6 hours of waiting. Geoff and his workmates get taken to hospital and his workmates get released after 1 day and Geoff gets released after 2 days in hospital. Geoff returned home to his family and lived happily ever after.